How To Avoid Depression

How To Avoid Depression

Keep Thy Heart With All Diligence

The above title is from a great verse found in the Bible, urging us to be very careful as to what we allow into our lives whether it be through the ear or the eye. Having said that there are still things that happen to us that put us into a downward spiral even if we have been careful to avoid the negativity that is so prevalent today. Right up front, we are not saying that this post will keep everyone from all depression ALL of the time. These are just a few ideas that you will find helpful.  Let’s get started. Be wary of social media, prime-time television, the evening news, and negative people, specifically those who are scornful (Those who express contempt and derision).

To break these down many experts are finding that there is an increase in depression with an increase of social media use. There has even been a new term coined called Facebook Depression which describes the negative aspects of large amounts of time on different media. {Anxiety and Depression Association of America} See Dr. Jeff Nalin’s blog. Teens are especially vulnerable to cyberbullying and have even been known to have such a low self-worth that after being bullied they take their own lives! Then it is true also true that many will spend hours on their phones and miss out on proper social interaction with their parents and friends.

Primetime television will suck the life out of one’s soul if you will let it. I am going to date myself here by saying I enjoyed watching the Archie Bunker Show. But to be brutally honest it taught me to despise people, criticize others whom I did not like and tended to make the watchers of the show extremely self-righteous and judgemental. We began to identify with Archie and that my friend is a dangerous thing! Cheers! is a show I never got into and if the mention of that makes you bristle then you need to ask yourself what kind of edifying conversations can come from a show that is featuring drunk people at a bar? There is low brow humor galore to keep you hooked but the end result is a shallow “me first” philosophy of life. The Jerry Springer show was once almost off of the air and the producers told Jerry to get the ratings up no matter what it took and Viola! we have Trash TV, complete with off-duty Chicago police officers to break up the fights that the audience came to see. This type of drivel only causes one to despair at humanity and the downward spiral society is in.

The evening news can be overwhelming too. I understand that it reports the “news” around the world but it is usually full of the murders that took place that day or the latest terror attack. Remember positive events do not usually get Neilson ratings up. I DO care about other parts of the world but the constant barrage of horror that others are enduring overwhelms us and is depressing or we just come to the point that we don’t care anymore.

Negative people are the hardest to avoid because we may have to interact with them every day at the workplace or school. But ask yourself, “Do I have to listen to this stream of gossip, bile, or hatred as the other person wants me to?” I was once talking with Brother Doug Fisher and he said when the conversation turns so as to criticize others he politely excuses himself with a valid reason. Those reasons may include: “I need to get a drink of water. ” or “I need to make a phone call.” or “I need to flush my ears out.”

Be Proactive Against Depression!

How in the world can one be proactive against depression? Isn’t it true that I am doomed to an endless cycle of mood swings, trips to the doctor to alter my meds, and another session of therapy? NO! The following suggestions are not a cure-all but I strongly believe we can do something to fight back when we feel the onset of a depressive cycle. It is now October in Michigan and endless sunny days of riding the bike down to the park to play with the kids are coming to an end. Instead, we are being met with the cold, rainy, and rather gloomy weather which will eventually turn into snow! There I said it! The word snow is treated as a cuss (or curse) word to many. I have already heard a man who is manic depressive mourn that he was sure that SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) was just around the corner lurking for him. With that type of attitude, he will surely help with a negative self-fulfilling prophecy in his life.

While it is true we cannot all board a jet for a trip to the Bahamas we can make the best of the situation we find ourselves in. First, talk about it with someone you can trust and begin to plan to be with people when you are tempted to despair. Don’t go it alone please! The worst thing you can do is to isolate yourself when sad or depressed. Secondly, being a man of faith I get out a list of Bible verses that remind me of God’s great love and care for me. Some of these are: “Fear thou not, be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; Yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10 To be dismayed is similar to depression. Take it personally when He says that He is your God! He is your personal God and you must take that promise and believe it with all of your heart! Further, He says He will Strengthen, help, and even uphold thee! Those are some wonderful promises that you can take to the bank of heaven.

Another verse that has encouraged me is in the Gospel of John. We read, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27 When I read MY peace I give unto you that means so much! The Lord Jesus has perfect peace and He promises to give us that peace? Friend, that is out of this world! It is a supernatural peace that passes all understanding! (see Philippians 4:6,7) Also, note that is NOT what the world will give you for peace, a temporary, fleeting, shallow peace brought on by pills or booze. The key to these verses giving us help is to not read them from an intellectual perspective but to personalize them. Picture, if you will the Lord Jesus sitting down next to you and saying, “I know you are having an anxiety episode (or) I know you are very depressed and no one seems to care, but I want you to know, …” Then you let Him minister to you with these verses.

Some more verses are: For God hath given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7  I also like a verse found in Joshua. “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

The problem with these verses is….wait….there is no problem. We have become too familiar with them and quote them without realizing we are looking at the very promises of God unto His children. I have had many a troubled night turned into a time of peace and then praise as I have reflected upon the precious promises of God. There will be other blogs on depression coming soon. It is such a scourge that Satan is using against the child of God and holding many in bondage. Please feel free to comment and suggest topics related to depression or anxiety or just share your story. I am listening and I care.

A Drunk No More!

A Drunk No More!

I Am NOT A Sober Drunk!

I Am Not A Sober Drunk! Thirty-eight years ago I was reading A Gideon’s Bible to find out where I was going after I died. I was concerned about where I would spend eternity and being raised Catholic, I was not familiar with the basic message found in Scripture. I quickly found out that I was a sinner under the condemnation of God. After finding out that salvation was a gift through the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus I asked Him to forgive me of my sin and give me a new life.  Since the Bible was not important in my former religion I had to start from scratch. What a thrill it was when I found that God declared me to be a new creature (creation). In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we read, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.” Note that it does not say, “You are still a drunk and will have to manage your addiction for the rest of your life.” No! It says that the person who is in Christ is a new person and the old things are passed away! I am thrilled the Lord has given me victory over alcohol, weed, LSD and other substances for over three dozen years now.

The problem that needs to be dealt with is a spiritual problem that will not be solved by endless aa meetings in the Shiawassee County or anywhere else for that matter. I have to freely admit that a nebulous “higher power” will never help me or you but a vibrant relationship with the risen Savior, the Lord Jesus will! I love to claim that, “I am crucified with Christ:”  (The old Tim Whalen, the sinning, cussing  drunken sailor has been defeated at the cross). “…Nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me!” That, my searching friend, is the answer! Christ through His Spirit will live in your heart and control you if you will let him. He is the reason for my victory over alcohol, pot, hashish and immorality. His victory is permanent and does not need endless open or closed meetings.

Lynn Appleton says that “Despite all public pronouncements about alcoholism as a disease, medical practice rejects treating it as such. Not only does alcoholism not follow the model of a ‘disease,’ it is not amenable to standard medical treatment.” She says that “Medical doctors’ rejection of the disease theory of alcoholism has a strong basis in the biomedical model underpinning most of their training” and that “medical research on alcoholism does not support the disease model.”

Lynn M. Appleton. Rethinking medicalization. Alcoholism and anomalies. Chapter in editor Joel Best’s Images of Issues. Typifying Contemporary Social Problems. NY: Aldine De Gruyter, 1995, page 65 and page 69. 2nd edition

Lynn M. Appleton

 

I Called The Doctor And The Doctor Said…

Is addiction a disease, or is it a choice? To think clearly about this question, we need to make a sharp distinction between an activity and its results. Many activities that are not themselves diseases can cause diseases. And a foolish, self-destructive activity is not necessarily a disease. Psychiatric Times, Modern Medicine Network   It becomes very clear when we do a contrast and compare of the two possibilities. If you compare addiction with a true disease we see that in addiction there is not an infectious agent to be found (as in tuberculosis), no pathological biological; process (as in diabetes), and no pathogens can ever be found as a causitive agent!

One study found that only 25 percent of physicians believed that alcolohism is a disease. The majority believed alcoholism to be a socail or psychological problem instead of a disease. [57]Mignon, S.I. (1996). Physicians’ Perceptions of Alcoholics: The Disease Concept reconsidered” Alcoholism treatment Quartly. 14 (4): 33-45. doi: 10.1300/j020v14n04 02

Only The Truth Makes Free

Reformers Unanimous is a faith-based addictions ministry that points people to an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ as the cure for addictions and destructive behavior. I was set free over thirty-eight years ago and the old Tim Whalen seems like another person. In fact, that is the truth! I am NOT who I was before I met Christ. Like we read in 2 Corinthians 5:17, I am a NEW creature (creation) in Christ. The life which I now live is an exchanged life. I have exchanged my sin, lifestyle, and attitudes for the Lord Jesus Christ’s character in me. You see this program (RU) is not a self-help program. It is a God Help program! I freely confess that anything good concerning me is a work of God’s grace in my life. I was sad to hear recently of a person who kept saying, “If I can do it, so can you! Just believe in yourself and try harder!” When we praise ourselves we actually set ourselves up for failure! Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.” (1 Cor 10:12) Pride truly goes before destruction. I hope the person stays sober and clean but even better than that is to have victory! There is a difference. We are not talking just having victory over substance but having eternal life beginning and continuing when we die. That ONLY comes through the new birth found in salvation through Jesus Christ.

Friend, may I ask you this simple question? When did you become aware that you were not in a right standing with Almighty God?  Have you come to the point that you had to admit you were powerless to change your life because of your sin and that you could not work your sin debt off? The Bible says that, “… the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 6:23 A gift cannot be worked for nor earned. It is simply received by faith. This gift is so needed because  it is true, “…all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

Searching friend you must come to God on His terms, not as you understand Him, but as He presents Himself in the Word of God! “…we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:1b To do this simply call it what God calls it, Sin. Turn from your sin and know you cannot change yourself but Jesus Christ can! Call upon the Lord, asking Him to save you from the sin and its power and its pull over your life! “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Romans 10:13

 

You may want to pray something as simple as this: “Lord Jesus I have come to realize that I was born a sinner and that I have no power to save myself. I believe that you became sin for me and died in my place on the cross. I believe you were raised from the dead and now offer me this new life and freedom from sinful addictions. I turn from my sin and ask you to come into my life and deliver me from ALL of my sins and give me your forgiveness in its place….Thank you, Lord Jesus, for salvation. Help me to give you the glory as you have now set me free! Friend if you have just now trusted Christ for salvation, please leave a comment or contact us at the end of the website for further help. Also, please see reformu.com for further resources.

How To Conquer Bitterness

How To Conquer Bitterness

It has been said that bitterness and acid will destroy the vessel that contains them. How true! I have had the awful experience of being bitter at others and, friend it is just not worth it! I beg you to read this blog unto the bitter end (pun intended) and begin the journey out of the prison you have created for yourself by allowing unforgiveness and bitterness to invade and permeate your soul. You may not think you need to do this but those around you can see it and meanwhile you will continue to justify the bad spirit you have worked so hard at keeping unless you take the first step by admitting you are bitter and then wanting the victory over it. Only the Lord can deliver you. In fact, I will be posting other blogs on this subject because it may take you some time to get set free. “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest ANY root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Hebrews 12:15 Bitterness starts with an unforgiving spirit towards a person or persons who have offended us. In some cases, there may be bitterness towards God Himself! I mean when you think about it God could have stopped the offender from hurting you right? We will address that aspect later.

You May Think You Are Justified

Years ago I had a man come into the office and he was a wreck emotionally from the unforgiveness he held on to as a result of the abuse he had suffered at the hands of his father maybe fifty years earlier. I will not go into the details here so as to not bog you down with mental images. Suffice it to say it was horrible! He said repeatedly, “I hate my father! I hate my father!” The wicked dad was now dead and probably in hell (his words.) Yet because he had not forgiven his dad he was suffering greatly which was affecting his wife and grown children. He stuttered profusely and was paranoid that his wife was cheating on him. He had a continual conflict with his grown son who had learned to be bitter by watching his dad. This poor man had not forgiven his dad for the cruelties and therefore had been delivered over to the tormentors. (Matthew 18:34) Some of the things that will torment a bitter person can be hives, colitis, stomach ulcers, germaphobia, recurring nightmares, unexplained anxiety attacks, and a host of other illnesses.

During another counseling time, I was talking with a man who told me how his stepmother had him and his brother fight as gladiators for her sick entertainment! His bitterness at her and his biological dad was easy to see some seventy years later. The problem did not end at his hatred and bitterness towards his stepmother. It extended to others who were alive who had offended him recently. Remember, “and thereby many be defiled”? Hebrews 12:15c It was impossible to dislodge him from the bitterness he had. He reveled in it!

No doubt there are those reading this who can say, “But you do not know what happened to me!” It is true I do not know the sufferings you endured but the Lord does, and He wants you to get the victory over it. It may be you were raped, beaten, abandoned, or viciously attacked. The very essence of forgiveness is that you must forgive the moral debt they owe you. Let me explain it like this. Let’s say you and I go into business. I provide the funds and you buy the equipment needed for a coffee house.  After a period of time, I come to you and ask how the business is doing expecting a return on my loan. You hang your head and say how the business went belly up because a customer found a dead rat in a biscuit he was served and he sued you out of business. So I say, “You have none of my money to return to me is that right?” and you reply, “No, I lost it all.” I am going have to forgive the debt. You simply can not pay me back what you owe me. There it is! Did you get it? Your offender cannot pay you back what is owed you. Maybe he took your innocence, maybe your purity, maybe your good name, maybe a child was murdered and he cannot give him or her back to you. So since he cannot pay you back, you take it upon yourself to hate him or her until you feel better about it. You may as well drink salt water to satisfy your thirst. Any sailor will tell you if stranded at sea, never drink ocean water to quench your thirst. You will go insane in a short amount of time. The same is true for bitter people. You are drinking the poison out of the cup hoping the other person will die and all the while you are the one getting sick! A person who is bitter will not think clearly. The occupation in your mind of the offender will cloud your thinking. A good working definition of bitterness is “the unresolved violation of my justice system.” Please remember that it is not our place to put them on trial or to exact a pound of flesh from them. They cannot undo their sin(s) against you! They cannot pay you back! That is the Lord’s job to exact whatever type of justice is due. You and I will never do it right. By the way, Christian aren’t you glad the Lord has forgiven you of all your sins past, present, and future? Why don’t you do the same? The Lord will give you the grace to do so. Read all of Matthew chapter eighteen right now. Do NOT forgive them and then wait for the Lord to hurt them. That is NOT forgiveness! God desires mercy and not sacrifice. So should you!

 Having A Conscience Void Of Offense

It is a wonderful thing to not be bitter! I know! I have been bitter (starting with unforgiveness) a few times and have been tempted many other times. Years ago my precious deacon left me for another church and they took him right in and made him a deacon there. I was devastated! I loved him dearly and because of a few misunderstandings, he left without trying to work it out. I was honest with the Lord when I said, “Dear Lord I do not even want to forgive him! This hurts so much!” (Might as well be transparent with God.) He knows all of our thoughts anyway. I began by praying, “Lord I know I should forgive but I can’t. Can you please help me to at least want to forgive him?” after weeks of praying I began to want to a little. I kept praying and God gave grace and I forgave him in my heart. I had the victory! Then the Holy Spirit said, “Now take him out to lunch.” We had a great time together. You may be asking, “Did he say he was sorry for what he did?” No, and your offender may never ask your forgiveness either! Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by expecting them to do so.

How’s Your Prayer Life?

How’s Your Prayer Life?

When asked about their prayer life most people would answer with responses like: “Well it’s not too bad, but it could be better” or “It’s not very good.” Both sets of people will readily agree that God hears and answers prayer and that they should pray more but we have become accustomed to functioning without the blessings, unction, and sweet fellowship with the Lord that only comes with true praying. I mean after all, things are pretty good for you right now. Right? Or the busy pastor may say we had a good attendance or good offerings and all the while much of it can be explained away as the result of a good web site or an enticing promotion on that particular Sunday.  There was a time when we really did rise early and seek the Lord and saw His power and presence in our lives only to have the busy schedule of our lives or the hectic pace of the ministry (pastors) squeeze our closet time out. We think about prayer, believe in prayer, maybe preach about prayer but how much true praying is done?

Poor Excuses For Little Or No Prayer

I was privileged to hold a weekly Bible study at a state prison for seventeen years and  I was making an appeal to the men in the study to schedule  a large amount of time each morning to seek the Lord, to worship Him, to cry out for revival in the prison or in America, and to sing Psalms to Him. I was quickly shot down by a prisoner who said, “I kind of just talk to Him throughout the day.” Now to be sure I recommend constant fellowship with the Lord all the day long but can you see how this violates the command to enter into our closet, (place of prayer away from other people)  shut the door, (remove all distractions) and to pray to your Father in secret (total focus on Him) ?  Matthew 6:6  I know that when my wife and I talk she wants my full attention.  I need to put the newspaper down and refuse to take any calls or texts on my phone. She deserves my full attention when we talk. Anything short of that is disrespectful and rude. If you think about it many of us  have had lunch with a friend and we are not conversing with the person we went to lunch with but we are checking our phones or taking and receiving texts. There is hardly any deep communication anymore. We are a world set adrift with our eyes on the screen of the tablet, desktop, or cell phone. Sadly, this is how we function with our communion with our heavenly Father.

I understand that you are busy but it is also true that we find time for what is important to us. Many times we just vegetate on our smart phones playing games or checking social media. I will never forget when we had evangelist Byron Foxx with us for a meeting. We were going to do something we had planned and I said, “Yes, we will do that but first I need to spend some time in prayer.” His eyes got real big with excitement and he said, “Yes that’s right! Our prayer work is our most important work, isn’t it?” I have never forgotten that statement. Is it not our most important part of our life? Our time alone with almighty God? Charles Spurgeon said, “It is not a matter of time so much as a matter of heart; if you have the heart to pray, you will find the time.”

Then it may be that you prayed and it did not come to pass right away. Please get with a godly Christian who prayed for years and it was finally answered! Ask him or her how they stayed motivated to pray and just hung on! When we do not want to pray or we feel weak that is the very time to press on and keep praying. God admires and delights in the person who will not give up. Brother this shows faith! In the parable of the unjust judge in Luke 18:1-8 we read of the challenge of God encouraging us to “cry day and night unto Him”. Importunity is the constant asking to the point of annoyance or intrusion. Just recently my precious dad passed away and two days before he died I was privileged of the Lord to lead him to salvation! This came after over thirty years of praying with tears and loud groaning for him. Many of us are not passionate or fervent in our prayer life and so it becomes an exercise in boredom or it is tedious to us. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16b If prayer is boring to you it is not God’s fault. It is your low view of Him and your preoccupation with the things of this world that is out of sync.

Foster Parents Needed Now!

Foster Parents Needed Now!

I am making a shameless appeal to Bible believing churches to have their church members pray and consider being a foster family with the possible option of adopting the children they foster. You may already have a family or you may be childless. It does not matter. You should still PRAY about what the Lord would have you to do. It might be He will lead you to foster to adopt or maybe it is just to foster without adoption. We need you too! Then please consider helping the foster family with love and support. Possibly you could volunteer to babysit while the mom and dad have a small break. Or maybe it would be that you would come alongside a foster family and relieve the mom by offering to help with housework. Ask if you can mow the lawn for them. Help them at church by  showing patience as the children act out a little in the service. I am a pastor and we could not foster if I had a regular nine to five job. We are busy with seven children! Cathy will oftentimes call me and say, “I need you right now!” I am glad to be on call and take a few children over to the church with me and continue their homeschooling in my office as I work. Remember they came from a hard place so to speak and they will need more love and guidance than your biological children did. My precious wife and I have been on this journey for ten years now and have had twenty seven children come through our care and we have adopted six children. “I must be crazy!” I say to myself. “I am turning fifty nine soon and I am still changing diapers? Yes, but I view it as a sacred trust and duty. I want to raise these children with lots of love and for the glory of God!”

About now dear reader you are saying, “Yes, you are crazy!” or “I could never do that. I could never love a child and become emotionally attached only to have that same child sent back to their biological parents.” Our hearts have been broken to pieces many times during this journey but I thank the Lord that one of our trainers said, “You have to love them enough to take them in and help them and you have to love them enough to let them go.” And really, does not every relationship on earth end sooner or later? What a thrill to know you have impacted a life for time and for eternity! Of course the decision to remove or return a child never rests with us. Humanly speaking it rests with the court system, DHS, coaches, or even the parent’s willingness to receive the parenting classes and substance abuse counseling offered to them. As Christians we know the Lord runs things and we  must pray and trust His sovereignty in these and all other matters. Believe me when I say we have been driven to our knees in prayer many times when we see the stress these little ones have endured or the antics they perform on a daily basis. Malani once asked me, How old was I when you (dad) were pregnant for me?” That was a hard one to answer and I could not beg off by saying, “Go ask your mother.”

GRIM STATISTICS

According to the state of Michigan’s official website, www.michigan.gov/fostercare there are thirteen thousand children in foster care and over three hundred that need a foster family right now in this state. Just Shiawassee County DHS alone has their work cut out for them. The foster care system in every state is under tremendous pressure from the massive caseload put upon them. Across the United States there were 427,000 foster children in care at the end of the fiscal year 2015 and in 2016 the number jumped to over 437,500!  The opioid epidemic has further stretched overworked resources. Many times drugs and child abuse seem to go hand in hand. The worst states are Indiana, West Virginia, Florida, and Georgia. From 2015 to 2016 drug abuse rose an astounding 32% in these states alone!  If these precious children are not cared for they become candidates for human trafficking or sex trafficking. Children who are not cared for in a loving nurturing home are far more likely to quit school, abuse drugs, go to jail or end up pregnant outside of marriage. On a positive note, the number of country-wide adoptions rose up from 54,000 in FY 2015 to 57,000 in FY 2016. All of the children we have adopted have been removed under adverse conditions but I will not comment on any particulars nor will I either confirm nor deny any reasons for removal to protect their innocence. If you foster or foster to adopt you may be asked hard questions such as, “Why didn’t my mom love me?” or, “Is my daddy still in prison?” Believe me when I say you will need the wisdom that only comes from God to tactfully answer those questions. A word of advice is in order here. No matter what YOU may think of the biological parents you must never run their parents down or belittle them. In so doing you are lowering that child’s self-worth also. We know of instances where the biological parents are themselves the victims of terrible, or no parenting from their own parents!

THEY CAME FROM A HARD PLACE

Not so long ago a mother is Shiawassee county was sent to prison for child abuse. The details are sickening and will not be covered in this post. Hopefully, the child will have no memory of this. However, you may foster a child that is old enough and remembers every detail of what happened to them and therefore will act out upon arrival at your front door. We know of a foster family in another county that had a child get out of bed, urinate on his pillow, and then go right back to bed using that same pillow! As bizarre as that is, it made perfect sense to the child. He had been living in filthy conditions and the smell of urine made him feel a little bit safer. Sadly, it reminded him of the home where he was removed. A child may have severe nightmares or as it is called night terrors when a memory is triggered by a seemingly normal event in our estimation. It may be a dog barking, a dish crashing to the floor, or a loud voice. Be ready for these things. They do not have to make sense to us. Remember, they came from a hard place. The social worker will let you know what is needed about the child and you take it from there. As the child is placed in a new environment many times they will naturally revert back to some old “acting out” to get attention or they may be testing the water to see what is acceptable in this new house.

This next piece of advice is priceless. MAKE SURE your biological children are fully “onboard” with this thing called fostering. Prepare them with the fact that life will be different and that the new child may steal, lie, or be demanding. Some of you may say, “That’s no problem! My kids are like that right now.” Believe me. It WILL be different! Then prepare yourself and your biological children that there will be no favoritism shown in the house to anyone. This is where the balancing act comes full circle. Fact: You already love your own children and now you have a child that is a real handful! He or she may wet the bed, destroy a toy or refuse to eat the delicious meal you just prepared. Love all of the children in their own special way that they need.Be prepared to compromise just a bit and not insist that, “It’s my way or the highway buster!” I have a theory that there are times you will get more by asking for less. They may have come from that hard place where it was a job just to survive let alone thrive. (I am sure there are many people reading this who have questions or comments. Please add to the post with your thoughts.) Thank you!